Heartbeats I wish would’ve last long enough to see your face. Bring you home to a comfy resting place. Birth you, hold you & love you. It hurts that I will never know you. Who are you? Why couldn’t you stay to know your father & I? What great parents we were going to become, another spoiled kid on the rise. 1 girl 2 unknown boy or girl I would’ve loved you the same. We were just deciding on your name. Unfortunately that’s not what was meant to be. Your heart was needed elsewhere & it wasn’t here with me. I’m selfish, I wanted you to myself just to give u the world…nothing else. How much better you would’ve made me it was creepy to think. Although, I was scared of your arrival I anxiously awaited for blue or pink. That heartbeat was a gift given from God that I never got a chance to open, watch over me from heaven as I struggle to be open. I’m trying to be strong as it has tested me. I’m alone with no one to talk to…then I remembered I have you! Framed your picture today although just a blur I’ll never forget the joy you gave me when I saw & heard your heart flicker 4/30/15. At least you’re not alone you have two other heartbeats with you, 10/27/13, 8/21/14. I know you would’ve showed me a better way, as people judge me and state I’m nothing as of today. I could’ve gone further with you by my side as hurt people hurt people when they’re caught up in their pride. It’s ok I’ve survived what most have not and many are afraid to admit. Unless you’ve walked in these shoes, you don’t know the half & personally I’m over it. Lord willing I’ll continue without you 3 by my side I know I have God walking with me in stride, if I choose to never take a step inside….inside a church house where whispers, deceit, cheating, and hypocrites lie. Without the three of you knowing for a split second unconditional love from Dad & I would’ve never disappointed you. I live to be free. I live for me. I live, love, laugh with sometimes being sad knowing it’s only Dad & me. Conceived out of love, marriage before carriage the right way, what God asked from above. We enjoy each other, we enjoy us, we’re just us! We live for US! With you watching over us from above with innocent love. May your hearts continue to beat in spirit as to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I 💜 U 3 even if I’ll never know how you’d be. You’re in a much better place even if without me. #OurHeartbeats💜💜💜
So, when someone that doesn’t know me says Happy Mother’s Day I simply smile & say thank you. When a family member writes down, places a paper in my face & says to me I’m childless only to hurt me without acknowledging or caring what I’ve been through, I still smile & simply say thank you! I’m not here for them or because of them. I’m God’s child. Those 3 Heartbeats 💜💜💜were mine. I have myself & my husband with 3 angels looking down. I know what God put together no man/woman can tear apart! Life tried to bury me, but didn’t know I was a seed. Watch me grow!!