FLAWS AND ALL!

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Being hurt, mad, disappointed, and embarrased that I was in a abusive relationship was only the beginning. I have had so many emotions over the years.  When you are healing from a surgery you are not well right away. You have to care and nurse your wounds. The doctor provides you with post-op care instructions. If you follow these instructions everything should heal as normal right??  In most cases that’s true but  sometimes you may have to make a call if the healing process is interrupted. This holds true from healing from abuse!! It aint easy and there may be some bumps in the road. I have had many bumps along the way. I have turned into the abuser, the aggressor, and the toxic person. After years of the same mess, once I decided it was time to move on I did. I took alot of baggage with me. You have to treat me like a queen, you have to love me like I need to be loved, you have to spend time with me. I started adding more and more to my demands. What I took as having standards began to look like I was barking orders. My philosophy became if you hurt me I hurt you! It was constant, you yell at me I yell at you.  There were times when I’d argue and fight sweating and cussing like a mad woman.  I used to try and make my husband sit down and talk right away. I knew he needed time to process things and he wasn’t the type to talk things out right away. I took that as lack of care and concern but with men, they don’t care about the same things women do. Where I saw lack of care that may not have been the case. I made sure I told him he didn’t care too. I would get so mad and try to fight him. He had to call the police on me one time! If you know anything about me Jail is not my set!!!! Bottom line, it’s not lady-like! I get it, but hurt people hurt people. It’s been many many scenarios where I was in the wrong and I knew it but like I said if you hurt me I hurt you worse.  What happens when toxic meets toxic!! VOLCANO!!! Things ERUPT!!! I demanded RESPECT NO MATTER WHAT I DID!! Either respect me or I cuss you out! For me every hurt I encountered would have a consequence. I will be honest and say this is wrong!!! Healing is a process and it cannot be rushed. I brought alot of anger into a new relationship and caused alot more heartache than I wanted or even intended. Triggers are there but you have to master how to handle them. Violence only begets violence. You can’t be violent and mad and think you’ll get a great outcome. It becomes a recipe for  disaster! This type of sh** can make or break a relationship. I’M well aware. I have not always made the best decisions and I often react rather than respond. My words tear a NI*** down!!! It’s sad but true AND I KNOW MY WRONGS. Here’s the tea though. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE SO U TRANSFER IT BACK AND FORTH LIKE U PLAYING CATCH. Somebody has to be the bigger person and STOP THE MADNESS!!!! Healing brings out a whole nother side of a person. When u began to heal u stop letting drama affect u. I have conversations with myself,  like look NA!!!!! Don’t entertain that mess U GOT WORK TO DO! And oooooooooOoooo is it hard because sometimes u just wanna cuss a person the hell out!!! I’m learning and it’s taking some time but I’m not happy if I hurt someone and I definitely dont’t wanna be hurt. I gotta be responsible for my own actions. Life too short to dwell on the past. I have no issues apologizing for my dirt but THANK GOD I’M GETTING BETTER. How I know u ask?? I FACE MY WRONGS AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS! A bitter woman can make a bitter man and a bitter man can make a bitter woman!! IJS ❤️❤️❤️

HIPS N’💋 DENA

 

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